An Excuse to Talk About Death

I've found that talking about death is a taboo subject.  People don't want to talk about it.  There is no easy way to bring it up.  This is problematic when family members or social workers want to discuss end of life issues with their loved ones or clients.  "How do we bring up death?"  is among the questions I'm most often asked.

"How do we bring up death?"

I suggest that people follow the news for clues.  When someone famous dies, a window is opened for a serious discussion about our own mortality.  Recently, there have been two examples that serve as examples.  Senator Robert C. Byrd from West Virginia and George Steinbrenner, owner of the New York Yankees.  Both were major public figures whose deaths were (and in Mr. Steinbrenner's case, are still) major media stories.  It is our job to create a conversation that will allow us to springboard towards our loved ones.

Michael Jackson's death last summer provided me with a great teaching moment for high school students.  It opened an avenue to discuss how the Jewish approach to a funeral and burial was so very different than what we saw on TV and read in the papers.  And I found that the students were able to relate to these differences.

An important note:  Every situation is unique and regardless how the conversation is brought up, it needs to be done sensitively and with undivided attention.  Blackberries and phones need to be turned off.  The person needs to feel that you're speaking with them out of love and concern, and not because you're "anxious to see them go" and are already onto the next task. 

Where's the party? Oh yeah, at the cemetery

My colleague forwarded me an interesting article (Wheat Ridge cemetery seeks to liven up with art, concerts) about a cemetery in Denver that is thinking outside of the box to bring visitors onto its grounds.  At Olinger Crown Hill Cemetery, events are planned that will transform the cemetery into an art gallery, a floral display, and even a wedding site.  As the article mentions: 

Cemeteries across the country are increasingly broadening their attractions beyond disposal of bodies to draw people past the wrought-iron gates.

I feel that this is a complex situation.  For far too long, cemeteries have been neglected, religious and secular.  Abandoned cemeteries are scattered throughout the world.  So on the surface, anything that will bring people into a cemetery should be a good thing.  There is a lot to learn in a cemetery, and it is worthwhile to visit one every so often, especially if one is visiting the graves of their ancestors.


However, a cemetery is a solemn place.  While I believe it is appropriate to have discussions or displays in a cemetery office, turning the cemetery proper into a gallery would be crossing a line.  It's essential that when visiting a cemetery and walking through the rows of graves, one's focus should be on the buried below.  Once the graves become the under card to the main event, then we do a disservice not only to those buried but to ourselves.  


As a society we need to remember and embrace the cemeteries of yesteryear.  But we should not do so at the expense of the sacredness of the ground.

e-News

We've begun a Q and A in our monthly e-News.  Here's a sample:

Why do the mourners fill in the grave with earth?

Covering the grave with earth is the ultimate realization of chesed shel emet. We're doing something for the deceased without any expectations of return.  By filling in the grave, we're covering the deceased which symbolizes love, concern, and respect.  We don't want to leave anyone uncovered.  This act of covering is the last practical act that we can do for our deceased loved ones.

To see more, and the rest of the e-News, please click here.

Innovation

Today, everything is about new and improved. 2.0 and 3rd generation are so outdated; it's time for 3.0 and 4th gen. New products and new innovations. The non-profit world is also under siege with demands to innovate. Donors want to see new and exciting programs. 21st century ideas.

However, at HFBA, this raises a dilemma. How do you innovate sacred and ancient burial rites?

The answer is you don't. The rites are the same. However, there are other areas where innovation are appropriate. Looking through original burial applications from the early 1900s, one sees handwritten records written in Yiddish. Several years later, English is used. By the 1940s, all of our applications were typed. In the late 1980s, our intake was done using DOS based computer programs. And since 2004, we've been using  custom web based data management software.

How do we reach out to our donors? In addition to mail, HFBA sends out monthly e-News updates about our programs. Within the past few years, we've maintained active Facebook and Twitter profiles. We have this blog. And last month, we initiated a monthly YouTube video (in addition to our other HFBA films).

No matter the cause, there is room to innovate. HFBA has embraced this cause. Hopefully, you'll take advantage of some of what we offer. And if you do, tell us how we're doing.

Emulating G-d

The first in what we hope to be a regular series of videos about issues of death and dying from the Hebrew Free Burial Association.

Videos?

We're planning on a video blog series for 2010.  There are many topics to discuss.  Kaddish.  Cremation.  Keil Maleh.  Tachrichim (burial shrouds).

Is there a topic that you think we should cover?  Please let us know!

info@hebrewfreeburial.org

Thank you.

We need to bury 14% more people with 10% less money

As you've noticed, the Chesed Shel Emes blog has been neglected.  With an increased presence on Facebook and Twitter, the blog has lagged behind.  Hopefully, that will change, and the blogging will continue.

Let me start with this.

We have all been affected somehow by the economic downturn.  Goods and services cost more, and perhaps we're making less.  Unfortunately for HFBA, we've been hurt as well.  From two ends.

Our caseload is up 14% in 2009 over 2008.  And our 2008 caseload saw an 11% increase over 2007.  Meanwhile, our donations are down this year by 10%.

We need to bury 14% more people with 10% less money.  


Fortunately, we are up to the challenge.  We will bury over 300 people this year.  And we will be there for those who need us.  But we do need your help as well.  Please consider a donation to HFBA.  Partner with us in performing chesed shel emes so every Jew will receive a proper and dignified Jewish burial.