Memorial Day at Mount Richmond Cemetery

Fannie Kaplan - Part Three

As I previously posted, last Thursday, the 12th grade from Solomon Schechter School of Westchester High School came to Mount Richmond Cemetery to pay their respects to Fannie Kaplan. I've posted some of the pictures from the outing here.

Joseph Silverman, great nephew of Fannie Kaplan, saying Mizmor L'Dovid (Psalm 23) by her grave

Rabbi Shmuel Plafker, HFBA's Cemetery Chaplain, reciting Keil Maleh by her grave

Fannie Kaplan Revisited

Last January, I posted the video and story of Fannie Kaplan. This week, the story has taken a fascinating new twist. To see the video, please visit my previous post here.

The Story of Fannie Kaplan

On December 5, 1928, twenty month old Fannie Kaplan succumbed to spinal meningitis. Her immigrant parents couldn’t afford a grave for their little girl, so the Hebrew Free Burial Association arranged for Fannie’s burial at Mount Richmond Cemetery on Staten Island.

Fast forward to June 18, 1991. Among the first graves to be marked as part of HFBA’s Leave Your Mark campaign, were 75 graves of children. The next day, Bernard Kaplan happened to buy a NY Post at his local newsstand. An article about the ceremony was on page 23. The article began,

“Little Fannie Kaplan died more than 60 years ago, but her grave – and those of 74 other poor, long-dead Jewish children – was not marked with a headstone until yesterday.”

Bernard couldn’t believe it. He knew he had a sister buried in Staten Island, but never knew where. It was something that always bothered him. As he said,

“…when I read the paper, and I see a stone being placed, and next to the stone it says "Fannie Kaplan" I said this is quite a miracle. This is something I'm searching for 60 years, and to never find out where my sister was buried. This was really a miracle. It took me 60 years to find my sister.”

Last week, HFBA received an e-mail from Claire Silverman. The Solomon Schechter School of Westchester High School, where her son is a student, was scheduled to visit Mount Richmond Cemetery.

“[My son’s] great Aunt, I believe, is buried in Mt. Richmond, she is my father's sister and she died when she was two years old. Would you please let me know if they are going to this cemetery, there is an interesting history behind all of this.”

Her father Bernard Kaplan had once mentioned that he had a sister Fannie buried at Mount Richmond Cemetery. Numerous e-mails were exchanged back and forth, everyone in shock about the circumstances.

Tomorrow, the Solomon Schechter School of Westchester High School is going to Mount Richmond Cemetery, for what is sure to be an extremely touching moment, when little Fannie Kaplan’s grave is visited by her great-nephew, all because she was treated with such dignity and respect when she passed away, more than 60 years later, and another 17 years after that.

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Follow up, click here for pictures from the outing.

Blogging Again

My apologies for my extended blogging hiatus. With Pesach now well out of the rear view mirror, I hope to resume posting on a somewhat more frequent basis.

The Funeral and Shiva as One

Recently I've been struggling with the question of how to eulogize someone who wasn't a model citizen. What do you say that will be a comfort to the deceased, his family, and friends, while at the same time, not lying about who the person was?

After giving this question much thought, I've realized that it must be understood by all in attendance that the funeral, and the eulogies, is only the beginning of the mourning process, and is supposed to act as a springboard for the week of shiva to further remember the individual and discuss his life. It is extremely difficult for a eulogy, under any circumstances, to fully capture the essence of a person. More time, and discussion is needed.

When someone dies whose life wasn't one harmonious unit, whose life was filled with struggle, it is difficult to satisfy all who knew him. Some people remember a person who was lively and loved learning and singing, while those who knew him when he dies, remember someone who wasn't observant at all. In this situation, it is important that different portraits of the individual emerge at the funeral. They are not a lie or contradiction. They are all part of a greater mosaic, a story with chapters of complexity.

The week of shiva offers the opportunity to create perspective, and for the friends and family to discuss the person who they knew. Each guest will have a different perspective of the deceased; and for them, that is what they can talk about, to help themselves and the mourners heal.

When someone dies, emotions reign supreme over the intellect. Sometimes, in the rush to arrange a funeral, not enough time or thought goes into a eulogy. Or emotions cause people to hear things that were said one way in a different manner, or even to hear things that weren't said. That is why it is important to consider the funeral as only the first step in the mourning process. And the week of shiva is a continuum, where there is time to think about the deceased, and about the eulogies, and to hopefully put everything into a perspective that will help each person heal accordingly.

Living For Every Moment

Earlier this week, a young man in my community died suddenly. He left behind a wife, a mother, and brothers. His father tragically died 11 years earlier. A very sad and tragic story, and one that's difficult to find meaning in. But here's my attempt.

When you break it down, life is a sequence of moments. And we string moments together to create a narrative; of our day, our week, our year. In the narrative, we tend to leave out the time in between the moments. They're only placeholders, enabling us to get from Point A to Point B. Perhaps, one can assume, the "placeholder" is intrinsically worthless. I say that a tragedy, the death of a young man, a crane collapsing on a city block, a terrorist attack, should be the wakeup call to destroy the assumption of the "worthless placeholder."

Time is our greatest asset. It's what we never seem to have enough of, and passes us by too fast. Why is that? Because we devalue the in between time. The subway ride, the walk to work, the waiting for a friend to arrive. When we become cognizant of the reality that our time can be taken away from us at a moment's notice, then we should revalue the downtime. Make use of it. Make it into a moment.

How does one make wasted time into useful time? Think. Use the brain. Contemplate. Today its hard to think. We're distracted by our cell phone or our ipod. Start thinking. About what? Our life. Our family. What we can do for someone. What did someone do for us. Try and find a deeper meaning in our actions and relationships. Thinking can transform a minor moment and make it greater.

When tragedy strikes, it is a wakeup call. How can we improve ourselves? Our relationships with our spouses? Our children? Our parents, our siblings, our friends? How can we make better use of our time? Taking a tragedy, and using it as a springboard for improvement, will motivate us to become better people, which in reality, is a great tribute to the one who tragically, is no longer with us.

Yeshivat Merkaz HaRav

Two weeks ago, a terrorist, on a murderous rampage, murdered eight young students in Yeshivat Merkaz HaRav in Jerusalem. Many aspects of this tragedy have been discussed and written about, but I'm writing about the cleanup that followed the massacre.

The Torah writes, "And your camp should be holy." There are many different ways to describe being holy, but to paraphrase former Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart, who in describing something very unholy said, "I'll know it when I see it," I saw holiness in the cleanup that night. I strongly urge you to click on this link to see pictures of that effort, courtesy of Arutz Sheva. However, I warn you, the images are graphic and violent.

Holiness is caring for every last drop of spilled blood, every remnant of skin, and every last strand of hair. Seeing the attention given to every remnant of a life that once was a reminder of the great care that Judaism gives to the human body, in life and in death. The remains were collected with dignity and preserved to be buried with respect, and not discarded in a biohazard container.

Our bodies are not ours to do as we please with them. They are on loan from G-d. We don't have permission to destroy them. We need to care for our bodies, eat the right foods, exercise properly, moderate our alcohol consumption, and never put a cigarette in our mouths. Seeing the care given to the body after death, shouldn't we give at least equal care to the body when its alive?