Jewish Burial Customs

It is not surprising that many people don't know all of the customs and procedures regarding a Jewish burial. This is not a topic taught to students while they are in school (although, HFBA is changing that, due to the success of the Cemetery Clean-Up Project).

While each case in unique, and there are minor differences based on location (burials in Israel are conducted a little differently than burials in the United States) or based on tradition (Ashkenazi as opposed to Sefardi), the basics are universal.

A great summary of these customs can be found at the website of the The Vaad Harabonim of Queens Chevra Kadisha. For a little bit more of an explanation, Aish.com has published an article by Rabbi Maurice Lamm entitled The Jewish Way of Death, which also contrasts Jewish with non-Jewish burial traditions.

I highly recommend visiting these websites and learning more about Jewish funerals and burials.

Hate Exists

While looking for some more information about the desecration of the Poile Zedek Cemetery in New Brunswick, NJ (see previous blog post about this), I was shocked to see how many recent cases of cemetery desecration have occurred in the United States. The Kansas legislature is reviewing legislation to make cemetery desecration a felony (as opposed to a misdemeanor). Among the most appalling recent instances of cemetery desecration occurred in a suburb of Chicago.

As reported by the local NBC affiliate the cemetery was desecrated by a 21 year old Polish immigrant, who is a member of a neo-Nazi organization.

"When you deal with people who are involved with these hate groups, their rationale is not something that most of us would ever understand," said Cook County Sheriff Tom Dart. "They usually are looking to stand out among their group."

How do we fight such movements? What can we do to protect our cemeteries?

On a practical level, we need to ensure that our cemeteries are properly enclosed. They should be fenced in and locked at night. While someone looking to commit a crime will find a way, all practical deterrents need to be employed.

Addressing the root of the problem, education is needed. Our children need to be taught about the injustices of history. Whether it is the Holocaust, or the historical oppression of African-Americans in the United States, or the current genocide in Darfur, we need to teach and inform others about history. Why these events took place? Why weren't the injustices stopped? What are the lessons that we can learn?

Hate exists. We need to educate our children that hate is wrong. We need to educate ourselves about hatred throughout history. Otherwise, society is doomed to a continuance of hate and intolerance.

Know Your Cemetery Fees

This past week, CBS2 in New York City reported on a potential case of price gouging by a cemetery. One hour prior to the funeral service's start, the funeral home received a call from the cemetery with a new price for the cemetery fees (not the grave, rather the grave opening). The price jumped from $1,100 to $3,500. A $2400 jump!

Why? President Lincoln's birthday.

Cemeteries are notorious for their overtimes and additional services fees. Funeral on a Sunday? Extra. Funeral in the afternoon? Extra. Funeral on a Sunday afternoon? Extra Squared.


What's the take home lesson from all this? Call your cemetery now!! Ask for a price sheet. Ask for all of the possible fees on all of the possible days. Sundays and Holidays. Ask them if there is an overtime charge? When does overtime begin? Get everything in writing. This way, there will be no surprises when the grave is needed.

One caveat. Cemeteries frequently change their prices. It is probably a good idea to call every year to make sure you have updated information.

Honoring our parents

The Torah teaches us that the reward for honoring one's father and mother is receiving long life. One of the reasons given by the commentators for this, is that honoring one's parents is time consuming. Especially as they age. A long life is "payback" of sorts for the time spent honoring one's parents.

Today, people are living longer and longer. Breakthroughs in science have brought us new medicines, surgeries, and treatments that were science fiction just a few years ago. However, while people are living longer, in many instances they require more care. And since people are living longer, there are more generations involved in the decision making for caring for our loved ones as they age.

It is important though, that people have a burial plan in place as well. While uncomfortable to discuss, it can alleviate much stress and aggravation when our loved one passes away. Death is business. While most funeral homes are honest and care about their clients, there are cases where an unscrupulous person took advantage of a family, who in great emotional distress, didn't have the ability to question the funeral home. Better to have everything planned (and as much as possible paid for) in advance, when the emotions aren't strong, and everything can be thought out and prepared properly.

We honor our parents by caring for them in life. By having a plan in place, it is easier, practically and emotionally, to honor them in death as well.

Cemetery Clean-Up Project

It's snowing today in New York, but my mind is thinking about the spring. The Hebrew month of Adar begins this week, the Super Bowl is over, pitchers and catchers report in two weeks, and the schedule is filling up for HFBA's Cemetery Clean-Up Project.

The Cemetery Clean-Up Project was instituted to ensure that Silver Lake Cemetery, and the people buried there, would not be forgotten. Our volunteers are the only visitors the cemetery receives. The work that our volunteers do is a major element of the cemetery's maintenance. By raking leaves, clearing debris, and moving downed tree limbs (among other tasks), our volunteers are involved in Chesed Shel Emes.

Our volunteers come from all over the tri-state region. We have students from middle school, high school, and college. Families coming on a Sunday with their children of all ages. Senior citizens participating in our annual chesed day. Every participant leaves our cemetery with a feeling of fulfillment and accomplishment. Beyond the physical work performed, they are making an impact just be being there. Recognizing that Silver Lake Cemetery is an important place in the history of Jews in America, and in New York City, in particular.

With the spring rapidly approaching, we are asking groups to sign up to participate in the project. For more information, please call our office, (212) 239-1662.

It all adds up - One day at a time

In a previous blog, I wrote about $10 donations adding up to something substantial. I'm going to break that down even more now. Every night, I empty the change in my pockets into my Coin Jar. Pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters. It all goes in. Last night, I decided to count my stash. In the past few months (when I previously emptied the jar) I stashed away over $31 in coins! $31 is not a monster amount, but it is significant. Literally, a nice chunk of change!

It's easy to not care about the few coins we have left over in our pocket each day. Its nothing. Paltry. Insignificant. But that's where small steps build into something big. So too with other aspects of our life.

Sometimes, we can view a task in front of us as challenging and looming. We're scared to begin. Instead of looking at the big mountain in front of us, we need to look at each component separately. Each part by itself is manageable. So that should be our approach.

One piece at a time. One step at a time. One day at a time.

When looking to make changes in our lives: diet, more time with family, read more, learn more, make small goals. Then proceed slowly and deliberately. Slowly, you will see progress, and substantial progress.

We value every second of life. Every breath is an opportunity to accomplish. No matter how small an accomplishment may seem, it is still an accomplishment and needs to be valued. This is a lesson that at HFBA, we try and impart to our clients.

And with our donors, we value every penny. It all adds up.

So today, start something small. A donation, time with your kids, more time in study. But take that first step. Come back to me in a few months. What you've collected will have added up to something big.

Fannie Kaplan

I could tell you the story of Fannie Kaplan but I couldn't do the story justice, so I'll let her brother, Bernard Kaplan (who has since passed away) tell you the story. Please view the video below.

(Transcript follows).



At the time Fannie passed away I was 8 years old. And she was 2. There was an epidemic. And then, of course, they had to bury this child. There was no money. Neither one had a bank book. Didn't have five cents in the bank.

An uncle of mine came along and he heard of an organization called the Hebrew Free Burial on the East Side. He contacted them. And they had come up and made all arrangements for burial and picked up the entire bill.

As the months went by, years went by, I say to my mother, "Ma, where is Fannie buried?" "Ich veisht nisht, epfes in Staten Island." And years went by and it always laid in back of my head, because no one gave me an answer.

Finally, I happened to go down one afternoon for a New York Post. And I see the headline, "Tragic Kids Never Forgotten." But when I read the paper, and I see a stone being placed, and next to the stone it says "Fannie Kaplan" I said this is quite a miracle. This is something I'm searching for 60 years, and to never find out where my sister was buried. This was really a miracle. It took me 60 years to find my sister.

*****************
To particiapte in the Leave Your Mark program, to sponsor stones for indigent Jews, please contact the HFBA office at 212-239-1662.