Family First

The Freakonomics blog is one of my favorite.  I loved the book, and enjoy reading their day to day opinions on the world.  Today, there was a random post that I thought was appropriate to this forum.

The story is about a man who forgot to honor his deathly ill daughter's simple request.  It is a sad story with an important lesson for us.  Our family needs to be our priority.  When our loved ones ask for something, we need to remember.

Life is about balancing priorities.  We need to remember that Priority #1 is our family.

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Donate your used car to the Hebrew Free Burial Association. 

Your donation will be used to ensure that every Jew receives a proper Jewish burial.

We will tow your car away for free.

IRS Tax Deduction as Allowable by Law

For more information, please call our office at (212) 239-1662 or e-mail info@hebrewfreeburial.org.

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Ed Koch's Tombstone

[Former NYC Mayor Ed Koch's] funeral service will be held at Temple Emanu-El in Manhattan... He will be buried in the nondenominational Trinity Church Cemetery in Upper Manhattan under a tombstone that quotes the last words of Daniel Pearl, the Wall Street Journal reporter beheaded in 2002 by Islamic terrorists (“My father is Jewish, my mother is Jewish, I am Jewish”) and includes the most familiar Jewish prayer, in English and Hebrew, (“Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is One”)...

(Koch Makes His Peace and Dares to Look Ahead NYTimes)

1. Mayor Koch's Judaism is extremely important to him
   
2. New York City is very important to him as well
   

It is a beautiful stone.  There is a Star of David on top.  The Shema prayer on the bottom.  But I'm fixated on Daniel Pearl's last words.  

“My father is Jewish, my mother is Jewish, I am Jewish”

We practice Judaism differently.  But we are Jews.  And we want to die as Jews.  We live our lives differently.  We have different values and beliefs.  But we believe that our Judaism is important to us.  

Mayor Koch is a staunch defender of Israel and Jewish causes.  He wears his Judaism on his sleeve.  His choice of burial place, Trinity Church Cemetery (technically a non-denominational cemetery) isn't a Jewish cemetery.  He loves New York City, and this is one of NYC's most significant cemeteries.  Despite not being in a Jewish cemetery, Mayor Koch's burial place will be a reminder to people to value their Judaism.  

He is sending a message to be proud of your Judaism.  Judaism isn't going to hold you back.  You can be a Jew and Mayor of New York City (Koch, and Bloomberg as well), or a Congressman, Senator, or Vice Presidential candidate.  Mayor Koch will be leaving an important legacy through his stone.

A person's tombstone should be a reflection of their life, and how they wish to be remembered.  Mayor Koch wants to be remembered as a Jew.  That's a lesson for all of us.

Death’s Waiting Area

Today's NYTimes featured a story about the autopsy room in a NYC morgue.  Obviously, this is an article that saddens me to read, as Jewish law generally speaking prohibits autopsies.  I am raising attention to the article for the following sentences at the beginning of the last paragraph. 

There was an overstock of death the other day, as the potter’s field was frozen and several of the bodies had been held ... They would be buried when the earth had finally thawed.

Mi K'Amcha Yisroel (who is like your nation, Israel)!  As is said regarding the post office:

Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night... 

A person should be buried as soon after they pass away.  Burials take place in blizzards, rainstorms, and freezing cold days.  Burial is important, and all measures need to be taken to ensure that someone is buried as soon after death.  Frozen ground is not an excuse for someone to remain unburied.

Leaving Stones

Why is there a custom to leave stones on top of a grave when visiting?

I always believed that the reason was solely to mark that the grave had been visited. A visual indicator that the deceased has loved ones who come and care.

However, I just came across a great blog, Jewish Graveyard Rabbit, which discussed leaving stones. They cited The Jewish Cemetery Association of Massachusetts (JCAM), which gives the original source of this custom.

The origin of this custom began long ago, when the deceased ... would be placed in the ground, covered with dirt and then large stones would be placed atop the gravesite, preventing wild animals from digging up the remains. Over time, individuals would go back to the gravesite and continue to place stones, ensuring the security of the site and as a way to build up the “memory” of the loved one.

It is important to understand that there are varied reasons for the different burial customs and traditions that we have today. Some of these may have evolved over time. Some may come from a religious legal tradition and others may have originated from a practical need. Either way, our customs and traditions are important, and its worthwhile to learn and understand not only the laws, customs, and traditions, but the reasons behind them as well.

Find A Funeral Home You Can Trust

TRENTON -- A former New Jersey funeral director connected to a scheme to harvest body parts from corpses has admitted his role in the macabre ring. Stephen Finley pleaded guilty Tuesday to a single count of disturbing/desecrating human remains.

(http://www.northjersey.com/breakingnews/bodyparts020309.html)

What lessons can we learn from this story?

The first is the importance of finding a reputable funeral home. It is important to research a funeral home prior to contracting them and ensuring they're respectable. There are many reputable funeral homes and it is important to find one who you can trust when needed.

Secondly, when contracting with a funeral home, don't assume anything. Make sure your desires and request, what you want and what you don't want, are explicitly clear. Doing so can prevent mistakes from occurring.

Can You Hear Me Now?

Recently, MSNBC reported on a trend of people being buried with their cell phones and BlackBerrys.  My initial thought was that individuals felt that doing so would give them a lifeline, in the event that they weren't really dead.  However, the article emphasized that the real reason people are choosing to be buried with their phones was because of their personal attachment to them.  Or for loved ones to be able to leave voicemails for the deceased.

I believe that there are two problems with this phenomenon:

1) As a society, we have unhealthy relationships with our cell phones

2) We are misguided in our understanding of what consists a proper funeral and burial.

I'll leave it to others to debate problem #1.  This isn't the appropriate forum.  Here's my take on Problem #2.

When someone dies, the relationship between body and soul ceases to exist.  The body has holiness and is to be respected and treated appropriately, but the person as he or she was known is no longer.  Death is not a time to try and maintain the living relationship.  That is why we don't bury the deceased in street clothing, we don't use fancy coffins, or embellishments.  

It is sad that many people have a misguided understanding of death.  That being said, it is very important to be sensitive to their needs and concerns, and in no way to hurt or cause additional pain to the loved one's family.  But there needs to be appropriate education, teaching what is right and wrong.